This piece doesn't serve its subject well. The experience of the narrator is intense and engaging. However, the story doesn;t have an arc or an emerging theme. It is an incredibly honest and fragile story, it deserves the highest caliber treatment.

Outside of structure, the writing is interesting and somewhat insightful. It brings you close to understanding her experience, but not close enough to feel complete or satisfying. There are several points (such as taking drugs to deal with the difficulties of making through an evening or the debt system--resembling indentured servitude--in place at many clubs) that beg for deeper treatment, but the narrator/writer is too interested in moving on.

The unpolished, unprofessional delivery should be a positive attribute of the piece, but it isn't. Properly coached and produced, the freshness of the narration should add to its authenticity. However, here the woman sounds unnatural and uncomfortable telling her story--as if she is trying to sound like something she's not.

This story could benefit from a retooling. Add some natural sound and music to break up the narration (so it doesn't seemed so rushed), slow down the pace, and edit the script to focus it better.

When producers and stations move out to engage deeper segments of the public, they deserve commendation. However, when handling the stories of others, there is an inherent responsibility to make sure those stories "translate" well to radio.